Miss u Appa

It was my first drive to thanjavur. The scorching sun had sucked every bit of energy I had in me, despite the air from window
and I had lost the will to retaliate, yet again, to my dad's comments. " hereafter my  daughter will come home only twice in six months.Looks like you won't be seeing much of us for the next four years",

he said with that smirk on his face that I found very annoying. "Let it rest, will you? She already feels bad enough about going hostel to study" , said mom,
coming to my rescue for what seemed  like the hundredth time that day.
 But, my dad wasn't one to give up. "She has to know what she is getting into", and turning to me he continued,


It was harder than I had imagined it would be.
Happiness on having gotten into a good institution had quickly transitioned into a feeling of nostalgia that was slowly creeping into me.
 I didn't want to leave home. I didn't want to leave my family. But, not one person around me seemed to understand how I was feeling.



As the feeling of frustration built up in me, I had started lashing out at people and disengaging myself from everyone around me.
I knew I was making everyone around me unhappy.
But, I realized that in a weird way I didn't care that I was hurting people.
All I wanted was for everyone to feel as downbeat as I did.
Before dad could pass another remark on my going away to college, we had pulled into a neat parking spot beneath a tree.
It really was time to leave.

Mom helped me carry my stuff up to the second floor.
With three bags in my hand, I heaved open the door to my room to find ten beds, tables and chairs laid haphazardly, cramping what was left of the room.
I was never going to get used to living in a hostel. "Oh, don't worry too much. Hostels are fun", said mom cheerfully as she helped me set my room to make it feel at least remotely close to home.
Only strange faces walked past me as I kept looking out uncomfortably, scanning the crowd outside for at least one familiar face. This was not going to be fun.


After what seemed like an eternity, mom and I walked back to the parking lot, to where dad was standing, he is sitting in stone bench, lost in thought. "Appa", I called, to jerk him out of his musing gaze.
"There you are! All done?", he inquired. But, I didn't answer his question. Something had changed. That irky grin on his face had vanished and in place of the familiar gleam
 I was so used to seeing in his eyes, was a tiny drop of tear that he was trying so hard to hold back. I was petrified. I had never seen the man cry.



"Is everything alright?" mom asked him.
He ignored her question and spoke to me, "Call me if you need anything at all, okay?", and that tiny drop of tear rolled down his cheek.
 I broke down. I don't remember having cried so hard.
I wept uncontrollably as dad took a step forward and wrapped his arms around me protectively, speaking between my sobs "Don't you cry in front of me. Cheer up.
It is a new journey". I only cried harder.



After numerous reminders from mom asking me to eat right and keep my things safe, they finally got into the bus and waved.
I stood rooted to the spot and waved back until  was out of sight and then turned to slowly walk back to my room, feeling lonelier than ever.
two days later, another strange face walked up to me and asked , "security called u ". I went and she handed over a courier to me.
I opened the corier hurriedly to find inside an umbrella and bag of chocolates.
Pinned to the bag of chocolates was a note with dad's untidy handwriting on it that said,


You forgot your umbrella at home. I got you a new one and something else you might like. We will miss you
"I miss u too Appa"

thirumanam ennum nikkah

Evening 5.30 she was solving aptitude problems.  her phone started ringing she eagerly took her phone and noticed it was unknown number.

 she had a habit of not storing numbers of person whom she doesn’t know much. she picked and answered one boy with very low voice wishing her for her birthday which was 2 days back.

 she thanked and asked why such low voice. He told he is in fasting and only two days more for Ramzan.

 As she was from the village where half number of population are from Muslims. she know much about their culture, slank, their dressing, their food habits etc. she had more Muslim friends in my school.

But why do she think more about them suddenly??  It’s because of the movie she watched today “thirumanam ennum nikkah”?? Or because she talked to that Muslim guy?? Or it’s because of Ramzan is next week??

No...

It’s because of one person who gave her so much to remember...

she knew him from her 5^th standard though she talked him twice or thrice in school days. And after schooling they exchange  numbers via social networking.

He introduced himself as her best friend’s fan. Ya, he loved her best friend for 2 years. And finally he mustered his courage and proposed her but she rejected him. So she talked and consoled him and made him feel better.

Then their friendship started blooming. they became so close. And now he proposed her even after knowing that she is  hindu she told him she is not interested but he consoled her and told he was madly in love

she got angered because of his behavior. Then days went and again he told the same thing but this time she never believed and she never take his words serious. she strongly believe that he still loves her best friend.

But he is not...

Even he played with her so much he sometimes broke her heart. But still she likes him. she don’t know it’s because she is loving him?

she is confused.

But whatever she can’t do this. Because he is her schoolmate and he loved her best friend and most importantly he is Muslim

 He confused her more he showed too much love. But this time she took strong decision. Yes, she started loving him.

she believed religion never be a problem for them. Though, it is a big issue for their parents. she accepted his love. they talked more but only two words ‘then’  ‘u tell’ but she never felt bored of this. Even after seeing that words for 100 times she still want to see that.

she felt, she was happier person in the world. she felt,her love is so pure and true. she felt, she could fight with anyone if he is with her.she felt, she will give up anything for him. she thought he would also feel the same.

But No. he didn’t love her he just had a time pass and due to his age problem he just needs a girl to share his dirty thoughts. And ultimately, that victim is herself

When she came to know that he used her, tears rolled down on her cheeks. At one point she even thought of giving up her religion for him.she thought he is her everything. but she was cheated by him. He played with her emotions , feelings and she was hurt, broken into pieces.

Cried until, her eyes became dry. Made promises to herself not to think about the person anymore. Made promise to herself not to believe anyone. Made promises to herself not to love anyone.

He is a coward he woke up her feelings with no intention of loving her. If he really not having dare to love her why did he proposed? 1000 questions arose in her mind. But answer is one ‘she is so stupid’

And now she is fine at least, she didn’t go any extreme and when she opened her face book on her birthday got message saying ‘happy bdy ’. she don’t have any angry on him she replied him ‘thanks’

It’s doesn’t mean that she still have feelings on him. It means he didn’t even worth for her to get angry on him. And whoever using girls for their own dirty thoughts are basically not a human being. They are just garbage. Unfortunately, she happened to love that garbage for a while.

And now she came back to normal girl who is chasing her dreams.. Being alone is happier than being with wrong person isn’t?