It was my first drive to thanjavur. The scorching sun had sucked every bit of energy I had in me, despite the air from window
and I had lost the will to retaliate, yet again, to my dad's comments. " hereafter my daughter will come home only twice in six months.Looks like you won't be seeing much of us for the next four years",
he said with that smirk on his face that I found very annoying. "Let it rest, will you? She already feels bad enough about going hostel to study" , said mom,
coming to my rescue for what seemed like the hundredth time that day.
But, my dad wasn't one to give up. "She has to know what she is getting into", and turning to me he continued,
It was harder than I had imagined it would be.
Happiness on having gotten into a good institution had quickly transitioned into a feeling of nostalgia that was slowly creeping into me.
I didn't want to leave home. I didn't want to leave my family. But, not one person around me seemed to understand how I was feeling.
As the feeling of frustration built up in me, I had started lashing out at people and disengaging myself from everyone around me.
I knew I was making everyone around me unhappy.
But, I realized that in a weird way I didn't care that I was hurting people.
All I wanted was for everyone to feel as downbeat as I did.
Before dad could pass another remark on my going away to college, we had pulled into a neat parking spot beneath a tree.
It really was time to leave.
Mom helped me carry my stuff up to the second floor.
With three bags in my hand, I heaved open the door to my room to find ten beds, tables and chairs laid haphazardly, cramping what was left of the room.
I was never going to get used to living in a hostel. "Oh, don't worry too much. Hostels are fun", said mom cheerfully as she helped me set my room to make it feel at least remotely close to home.
Only strange faces walked past me as I kept looking out uncomfortably, scanning the crowd outside for at least one familiar face. This was not going to be fun.
After what seemed like an eternity, mom and I walked back to the parking lot, to where dad was standing, he is sitting in stone bench, lost in thought. "Appa", I called, to jerk him out of his musing gaze.
"There you are! All done?", he inquired. But, I didn't answer his question. Something had changed. That irky grin on his face had vanished and in place of the familiar gleam
I was so used to seeing in his eyes, was a tiny drop of tear that he was trying so hard to hold back. I was petrified. I had never seen the man cry.
"Is everything alright?" mom asked him.
He ignored her question and spoke to me, "Call me if you need anything at all, okay?", and that tiny drop of tear rolled down his cheek.
I broke down. I don't remember having cried so hard.
I wept uncontrollably as dad took a step forward and wrapped his arms around me protectively, speaking between my sobs "Don't you cry in front of me. Cheer up.
It is a new journey". I only cried harder.
After numerous reminders from mom asking me to eat right and keep my things safe, they finally got into the bus and waved.
I stood rooted to the spot and waved back until was out of sight and then turned to slowly walk back to my room, feeling lonelier than ever.
two days later, another strange face walked up to me and asked , "security called u ". I went and she handed over a courier to me.
I opened the corier hurriedly to find inside an umbrella and bag of chocolates.
Pinned to the bag of chocolates was a note with dad's untidy handwriting on it that said,
You forgot your umbrella at home. I got you a new one and something else you might like. We will miss you
"I miss u too Appa"
and I had lost the will to retaliate, yet again, to my dad's comments. " hereafter my daughter will come home only twice in six months.Looks like you won't be seeing much of us for the next four years",
he said with that smirk on his face that I found very annoying. "Let it rest, will you? She already feels bad enough about going hostel to study" , said mom,
coming to my rescue for what seemed like the hundredth time that day.
But, my dad wasn't one to give up. "She has to know what she is getting into", and turning to me he continued,
It was harder than I had imagined it would be.
Happiness on having gotten into a good institution had quickly transitioned into a feeling of nostalgia that was slowly creeping into me.
I didn't want to leave home. I didn't want to leave my family. But, not one person around me seemed to understand how I was feeling.
As the feeling of frustration built up in me, I had started lashing out at people and disengaging myself from everyone around me.
I knew I was making everyone around me unhappy.
But, I realized that in a weird way I didn't care that I was hurting people.
All I wanted was for everyone to feel as downbeat as I did.
Before dad could pass another remark on my going away to college, we had pulled into a neat parking spot beneath a tree.
It really was time to leave.
Mom helped me carry my stuff up to the second floor.
With three bags in my hand, I heaved open the door to my room to find ten beds, tables and chairs laid haphazardly, cramping what was left of the room.
I was never going to get used to living in a hostel. "Oh, don't worry too much. Hostels are fun", said mom cheerfully as she helped me set my room to make it feel at least remotely close to home.
Only strange faces walked past me as I kept looking out uncomfortably, scanning the crowd outside for at least one familiar face. This was not going to be fun.
After what seemed like an eternity, mom and I walked back to the parking lot, to where dad was standing, he is sitting in stone bench, lost in thought. "Appa", I called, to jerk him out of his musing gaze.
"There you are! All done?", he inquired. But, I didn't answer his question. Something had changed. That irky grin on his face had vanished and in place of the familiar gleam
I was so used to seeing in his eyes, was a tiny drop of tear that he was trying so hard to hold back. I was petrified. I had never seen the man cry.
"Is everything alright?" mom asked him.
He ignored her question and spoke to me, "Call me if you need anything at all, okay?", and that tiny drop of tear rolled down his cheek.
I broke down. I don't remember having cried so hard.
I wept uncontrollably as dad took a step forward and wrapped his arms around me protectively, speaking between my sobs "Don't you cry in front of me. Cheer up.
It is a new journey". I only cried harder.
After numerous reminders from mom asking me to eat right and keep my things safe, they finally got into the bus and waved.
I stood rooted to the spot and waved back until was out of sight and then turned to slowly walk back to my room, feeling lonelier than ever.
two days later, another strange face walked up to me and asked , "security called u ". I went and she handed over a courier to me.
I opened the corier hurriedly to find inside an umbrella and bag of chocolates.
Pinned to the bag of chocolates was a note with dad's untidy handwriting on it that said,
You forgot your umbrella at home. I got you a new one and something else you might like. We will miss you
"I miss u too Appa"
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